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calligrapher’s apprentice how the great master Bihzad had blinded himself；
how he never wanted to leave Herat； why he never painted again after being
taken forcibly to Tabriz； how a miniaturist’s style was really the style of the
workshop in which he worked and other tales I’d heard from Master Osman；
but I became preoccupied with the storyteller。 How had I known that he was
going to tell Satan’s story tonight？
I had the urge to say； “It was Satan who first said ”I‘！ It was Satan who
adopted a style。 It was Satan who separated East from West。“
I closed my eyes and drew Satan on the storyteller’s rough sheet of paper as
my heart desired。 As I drew； the storyteller and his assistant； other artists and
curious onlookers giggled and goaded me on。
Pray； do you think I have my own style； or do I owe it to the wine？
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I； SATAN
I am fond of the smell of red peppers frying in olive oil； rain falling into a calm
sea at dawn； the unexpected appearance of a woman at an open window；
silences； thought and patience。 I believe in myself； and； most of the time； pay
no mind to what’s been said about me。 Tonight； however； I’ve e to this
coffeehouse to set my miniaturist and calligrapher brethren straight about
certain gossip； lies and rumors。
Of course； because I’m the one speaking； you’re already prepared to believe
the exact opposite of what I say。 But you’re smart enough to sense that the
opposite of what I say is not always true； and though you might doubt me；
you’re astute enough to take an interest in my words： You’re well aware that
my name； which appears in the Glorious Koran fifty…two times； is one of the
most frequently cited。
All right then； let me begin with God’s book； the Glorious Koran。
Everything about me in there is the truth。 Let it be known that when I say this；
I do so with the utmost humility。 For there’s also the issue of style。 It has
always caused me great pain that I’m belittled in the Glorious Koran。 But this
pain is my way of life。 This is simply the way it is。
It’s true； God created man before the eyes of us angels。 Then He wanted us
to prostrate ourselves before this creation。 Yes； it happened the way it’s written
in “The Heights” chapter： While all the other angels bowed before man； I
refused。 I reminded all that Adam was made from mud； whereas I was created
from fire； a superior element as all of you are familiar。 So I didn’t bow before
man。 And God found my behavior； well； “proud。”
“Lower yourself from these heavens；” He said。 “It’s beyond the likes of you
to scheme for greatness here。”
“Permit me to live until Judgment Day；” I said； “until the dead arise。”
He granted His permission。 I promised that during this entire time I would
tempt the descendents of Adam； who’d been the cause of my punishment； and
He said He’d send to Hell those I’d successfully corrupted。 I don’t have to tell
you that we’ve each remained true to his word。 I have nothing more to say
about the matter。
As some will claim； at that time Almighty God and I made a pact。 According
to them； I was helping to test the Almighty’s subjects by attempting to destroy
their faith： The good； possessed of sound judgment； would not be led astray；
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while the evil； giving into their carnal desires； would sin； to later fill the depths
of Hell。 Therefore； portant： If all men went to Heaven；
no one would ever be frightened； and the world and its governments could
never function on virtue alone； for in our world evil is as necessary as virtue
and sin as necessary as rectitude。 Given that I am to thank for the genesis of
Allah’s worldly order—with His permission no less （why else would He allow
me to live until Judgment Day？）—to be branded “evil” and never be granted
my due is my hidden troment。 Men like the mystic Mansur； the wool carder；
or the famous Imam Gazzali’s younger brother Ahmet Gazzali； have taken this
line of reasoning so far as to conclude in their writings that if the sins I caused
are actually mitted through God’s permission and will； then they are what
God desires； furthermore； they maintain that good and evil do not exist
because everything emerges from God； and even I am a part of Him。
Some of these mindless men have quite appropriately been burned to death
with their books。 Of course； good and evil do exist； and the responsibility for
drawing a line between the two falls to each of us。 I am not Allah； God forbid；
and I was not the one who planted such absurdities into the heads of these
dimwits； they came up with it all by themselves。
This brings me to my second plaint： I am not the source of all the evil
and sin in the world。 Many people sin out of their own blind ambition； lust；
lack of willpower； baseness； and most often； out of their own idiocy without
any instigation； deception or temptation on my part。 However absurd the
efforts of certain learned mystics to absolve me of any evil might be； so too is
the assumption that I am the source of all of it； which also contradicts the
Glorious Koran。 I’m not the one who tempts every fruit monger who craftily
foists rotten apples upon his customers； every child who tells a lie； every
fawning sycophant； every old man who has obscene daydreams or every boy
who jacks off。 Even the Almighty couldn’t find anything evil in passing wind
or jacking off。 Sure； I work very hard so you might mit grave sins。 But
some hojas claim that all of you who gape； sneeze or even fart are my dupes；
which tells me they haven’t understood me in the least。
Let them misunderstand you； so you can dupe them all the more easily； you
might suggest。 True。 But let me remind you； I have my pride； which is what
caused me to fall out with the Almighty in the first place。 Even though I can
assume every imaginable form； and though it’s been recorded in numerous
books tens of thousands of times that I’ve successfully tempted the pious；
especially in the lust…kindling guise of a beautiful woman； can the miniaturist
brethren before me tonight please explain why they persist in picturing me as
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a misshapen； horned； long…tailed and gruesome creature with a face covered
with protruding moles？
Like so； we arrive at the heart of the matter： figurative painting。 An Istanbul
street mob incited by a preacher whose name I won’t mention so he won’t
bother you later on； condemns the following as being contrary to the word of
God： the calling of the azan like a song； the gathering of men in dervish lodges；
sitting in each other’s laps； and chanting with abandon to the acpaniment
of musical instruments； and the drinking of coffee。 I’ve heard that some of the
miniaturists among us who fear this preacher and his mob claim that I’m the
one behind all this painting in the Frankish style。 For centuries； countless
accusations have been leveled at me； but none so far from the truth。
Let’s start from the beginning。 Everybody gets caught up in my provoking
Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit and forgets about how this whole matter
began。 No； it doesn’t begin with my hubris before the Almighty； either。 Before
anything else； there’s the matter of His presenting man to us and expecting us
to bow down to him； which met with my quite appropriate and decisive
refusal—though the other angels obeyed。 Do you think it fitting that； after
creating me from fire； He require me to bow before man； whom He created
out of the crudest mud？ Oh my brethren； speak the truth of your conscience。
All right； then； I know you’ve been thinking about it and fear that anything
said here will not just remain between us： He will hear it all and one day He’ll
call you to account。 Fine； never mind why He’s provided you with